Akatsuki Club For Morons Ch. 4

  The story continued yet again. Yeah. Being a narrator is hard when there's nothing much to say.

  Hidan continued to hide within the house plant disguise. All was going well, until Thursday. Itachi was doing his usual morning routine, which included destroying every house plant he saw.

  Hidan: (Through a walkie talkie) Why would you make me dress as a house plant if you knew he'd attack me?!

  Kisame: Because I thought it'd be funny.

  Tobi: And it is!

  Hidan: You morons! If it weren't for this clunky disguise I'm wearing, I'd sacrifice you to Jashin right here and now!

  Kisame: Oooh, better be quiet, Itachi's coming.

  Hidan: Kisame, you asshole!

  Itachi calmly walked toward the Hidan plant. He gave the plant an evil glare and-

  *Back to the present!*

  Leader: WAIT!

  Tobi: What?

  Leader: Itachi's been destroying my house plants?! But why?! (Yells) ITACHI!

  Itachi approaches Leader.

  Itachi: Whuh?

  Leader: Stop destroying my plants! I think they're beautiful, and they don't deserve to die!

  Itachi: OK.

  Tobi: ... Can I finish now?

  Leader: Yes, go ahead.

  *Back to story!*

  Itachi gave the house plant an evil glare and proceeded to sit down next to it.

  Itachi: You know what, house plant?

  Hidan: ...

  Itachi: You're the only one who understands me.

  Hidan: (In head) Has Itachi been smoking crack or something? Why the hell is he talking to a plant?!

  Itachi: I've murdered my whole family, except my little brother. You are forever stuck in a jar of dirt. We are both so alike in so many ways.

  Hidan: (In head) HUH?!

  Itachi: It's a shame... (Evil glare) ... That I must kill you...

  From across the hall, Deidara shouts to Itachi.

  Deidara: Yo, Itachi, the cookies are done!

  Itachi: Oh, cookies! Yummy!

  Itachi gets up and walks away from Hidan plant.

  Hidan: Thank Jashin he left...

  Deidara: What was that?

  Deidara suddenly appeared in front of Hidan plant.

  Hidan: Oh...uh... I'm a magic plant! I speak and stuff! I'll grant you three wishes if you turn around and forget I'm here!

  Deidara: You must think I'm pretty stupid, yeah.

  Hidan: OH, it's YOU, Deidara! I... I didn't recognize you! Did you do something with your hair?

  Deidara: Stop playing dumb. What are you doing in that plant?

  Hidan: ... Predicting the future?

  Deidara: I know what you're up to, you and Kisame and Tobi. You're going after Kakuzu's money, and you're gonna mess up the big party, yeah.

  Hidan: No! No! No! ...Well, we were going after the money, but that has nothing to do with the party.

  Deidara: I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES!

  Deidara began to open his mouth inhumanly wide, to the point where he looked both silly and frightening.

  Hidan: ...Uh... What are you doing?

  Deidara: IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!!!

  Hidan stared at Deidara for a long moment, while Deidara continued to leave his mouth open in a hideous manner.

  Hidan: OK well, you go do that. I'm just going over there now, if that's OK with-

  Deidara: SHOOP DA WHOOP!

  Hidan: Yeah, see you.

  Hidan scurried away. Many hours passed, and Deidara continued to stay in the hallway, mouth hanging open. Without warning, his hair caught fire again.

  Deidara: Why does that keep happening?!

  Meanwhile, Tobi and Kisame were eating corn.

  Tobi: GENTLEMAN, I GIVE YOU... CORN!

  Kisame: Yay!

  As they ate, Hidan finally snuck himself into Kakuzu's room. He witnessed as Kakuzu demonstrated the fact that he's a greedy bastard.

  Kakuzu: Oh money, how I love thee... (Holds a dollar to his ear) What's that? You want me to spend you? Oh NO, money! If I spent you, I wouldn't be able to covet you, now would I? Daddy doesn't want to lose his babies... No he doesn't! (Hugs pile of cash)

  Hidan: (In head) Jeez, he really loves him some money, more than I thought he did... It's going to be impossible to get him away from it.

  The Leader called for Kakuzu from another room.

  Leader: Kakuzu! Help me put up the banners!

  Kakuzu: Okeedoke!

  Just as Kakuzu got up to leave, he grabbed all his money, swallowed it, and ran out of the room. Hidan had a disgusted look on his face.

  Hidan: (Into walkie talkie) Well guys, I found out where he keeps his money...

  Tobi: Not now, eating corn.

  Hidan: But-

  Tobi: CORN, DAMN YOU!

  Hidan: This is more important than corn!

  Kisame: You dare talk down to corn?!

  Tobi and Kisame: CORNY JUSTICE!

  The two appeared before Hidan in a puff of smoke and started pelting him with popcorn.

  Hidan: For the love of- HE ATE HIS MONEY! HE KEEPS IT IN HIS STOMACH!

  Kisame: What?!

  Tobi: Eww...

  Hidan: How are we gonna get the money if it's inside him?

  Kisame: Would we really want money that's been inside Kakuzu? REALLY?

  Tobi: We could just cut him open, I guess.

  Hidan had a sinister grin on his face.

  Hidan: I like cutting things. Especially human skin... The sound of the blade piercing flesh... Mmm...

  Kisame: Aw crap, now look what you did Tobi, you made Hidan horny.

  Hidan: Shut up, fish breath!

  Hidan threw a toaster at Kisame's head.

  Tobi: Whoo, hit in the noggin! 500 points!

  Tobi and Hidan: WHOOHOO! (High-five)

  Kisame: Fine, FINE, it looks like we'll have to cut him open or something. Now we need to think of the perfect time to do it...

  Tobi: We could do it at a time when everyone has their guard down...

  Kisame: When he'd least expect it...

  Kisame and Tobi pondered. They kept pondering for about 20 minutes, until Hidan got fed up with their slow thinking.

  Hidan: Uh, I don't know, how about THE PARTY?

  Tobi and Kisame looked at Hidan with shocked faces.

  Tobi: Hidan, you're a GENIUS!

  Kisame: I never would've thought of that!

  Tobi and Kisame started dancing in circles around Hidan.

  Tobi and Kisame: Hidan is so smart, Hidan is so smart, S-M-R-T!

  Hidan: You mean S-M-A-R-T.

  Tobi: Wow, he IS smrt!

  Hidan: Smrt? Dumbass, it's SMART!

  Kisame: Yes, that's what YOU are!

  Hidan: No, you're just a couple of retards!

  The two continued their dance of joy around Hidan, while he impaled himself through one of his legs.

  Hidan: Pretend they're not here... PRETEND THEY'RE NOT HERE...